I don't care what you say, that's too much!
Too much?
You want me to take your horse carriage, and now this?
We're basically full.
If you can't pay, then get lost.
Looks like I'll have to!
Damn it.
Taking advantage of our situation, huh?
Like anybody would pay that!
What's your problem?
You don't have to be so cheap.
You should've just rented the whole ship.
It's fine if I make a decision to incur that kind of expense.
But it's not okay if the other side tries to milk us.
I see.
So what are we going to do?
Are you going to try somewhere else?
Can you stop doing that?
What's wrong?
Getting excited?
No!
Oh my, oh my!
What if we went by land?
I was wondering what it would be like if we went by land.
Well, it would of course involve a large detour.
It would take about ten extra days.
I want to go to Nanripat.
It's supposed to have special fried sweets.
What are we waiting for?
I might even find a way to return to my world.
Oh, right...
Those sweets are supposed to be really good.
What do you say, Kon? Sainglain?
Another week or ten days isn't so bad now, is it?
I suppose our journey has gone quite smoothly so far.
What, you don't know the tale of the tortoise and the hare?
You can't be overconfident and let your guard down.
Nobody's following us anymore, so why not?
I guess we could do something to lift our spirits
before we reach the capital.
Why are you trying to convince me?
Or is it that there's a famous game center in the capital?
Did you want to go there, Kon?
Oh, I see!
You mean the place where you play with your life on the line?
No thanks.
Detour for the win!
It'll be our field trip before hitting the capital.
That means we'll need to prepare for the trip.
We're running low on food and water.
Shall we look around at the market?
Hey, squirrel thing!
Don't worry about him. He'll be back soon.
You think so?
Think he's smart enough?
About as smart as you.
He probably had to go do his business.
Then I'm going, too.
Let's agree to meet here in one hour.
Don't be late!
Roger!
This is bad!
There are none!
No toilets!
A hole in the ground? Seriously?!
No stalls, either. How open are you guys?
You think anything can come out in conditions like that?
The afternoon cabaret is tops!
Excuse me!
No, no, excuse me.
Nah, I'm just seeing things.
Shall we move on to number two?
Let's go, let's go!
Oh man.
It's like I can't even walk anymore, even the vibrations are making it worse.
Somebody...
She's just a kid, after all.
I guess once she got here,
her knees got a little weak or something.
I mean, I understand.
Poor kid.
So anyway, that's why they changed their destination.
Sorry.
Yeah, I'll call again.
Don't worry, don't worry!
They'll never know, I'm doing a good job.
Take care.
Don't even try it!
Hey, you, old-timer, you were talking just now!
You were talking, I know you were!
Don't shake your head!
You understand every last thing I'm saying.
H-Hey...
You played with ants when you were a kid, right?
I sure did.
I'd get naked and then have
the ants creep and crawl all over my naked body.
Uh, nobody does that.
I'm talking about pouring water
into an anthill and massacring them.
Huh?
We're just imagining things.
For sure.
I'm sorry!
But you kept shaking me around, see?
I can still smell it.
Get out!
My Alma Ener—
What did you say?
Nothing at all.
You seriously want me to buy that?!
Hey, buddy, say it, don't spray it!
You're one to talk!
I'm one to talk? Seriously?!
You're not sorry. Not at all.
Want me to turn you inside out again?
Kid, you're seriously irritating.
Your stuffing is totally some old guy!
You need to respect your elders!
You're not human.
I'm something like a human, that's close enough!
Got it, idiot?!
So you're human?
If you're human, why don't you tell me what you're up to?
Who were you talking to?
What's the big idea?
You think I'll tell you?!
Not so fast, old-timer.
If you think I intend to do nothing, think again.
You ain't seen nothing yet!
Oh, I ain't seen nothing?
What a load of crap!
I'm shaking in my boots!
Ta-da!
It's exciting torture time!
Water attack!
Say no to animal abuse!
I'm an endangered species!
You lose.
What I'm abusing here isn't an animal at all!
Whip! Whip! Whip!
Wax!
Wooden horse!
Ball gag!
Stop, stop!
That's not torture anymore, some people go for this sort of thing!
Oh no, it's waking up!
This thing inside of me,
this slumbering, slippery thing inside of me, it's awakening!
I'll talk!
I'll talk, so don't stop.
I mean, stop!
I hope you'll take responsibility after all you did.
Excuse me? You brought that on yourself.
I can't go back to who I was before.
Oh, just shut up and talk already!
You won't be shocked by what I have to say?
You mean, beyond you talking in and of itself?
You won't get mad, right?
Too late.
To be honest,
women consider me a sort of living ware.
Men consider me an accessory.
What are you talking about?
You mean like a decoration?
It's a little different.
Put another way, being unable to manage your finances
leads to financial problems.
Who are you working for?
You got it all wrong!
Think about it!
I'll tell you again.
Both things are essentially the same,
but if you write it in katakana, you can touch it,
and if you write it in kanji, you can't.
That's what I mean.
What do you mean, katakana?
What is this, a riddle?
That's right!
Why are we on a game show now?
For a man, you're an accessory.
Management.
Breasts or boobies.
Bankruptcy.
Papa or dad.
Is that it?
You got it!
Wow, my success rate is amazing!
First prize, no questions asked!
Seriously?!
Wait a second.
Breasts? Bankruptcy? Papa?
That's it!
I am your father!
What language are you—
What language was that?!
Wait, what language are we talking in now?
Thinking about it, I feel really sick all of a sudden.
That's what got you?!
Here I thought I had calmed you down.
But they say children never can understand a parent's heart.
Liar!
What?! F-Father?!
You're so slow!
Father? You're a totally different species.
We're even further then say, a human and a monkey.
You've got hair all over your body!
Look, I've only got hair on top of my head.
And a little in my crotch.
A small detail.
No, it's not!
Now do you get it?
This is not my true form.
Then what was that little 4D pocket you had before?
What was that for?
The body, you know, is the servant of the mind.
Close your eyes and say that you'll burn me with a poker.
Even if you use ice instead, I'll get burned.
That's why I have my pocket.
By having that kind of extra step involved,
things make sense to the mind,
and everything works more smoothly.
I don't get it.
It's like screaming out a move's name.
It's partly to focus yourself,
but it's also for attuning the device's voice recognition.
Enough!
What I want to know is why are you my father?
Call me Papa, if you like.
This little squirrel thing is really pissing me off.
I just feel like punching it.
Why is my son so scary?
I know this isn't easy to believe.
If I butt in, I lose, huh?
That's my boy!
The day you were born, your mother and I were so happy!
What's that?
Some wizards have come to bless him?
That's wonderful!
Invite them in already!
All right everyone, eat and drink to your heart's content!
Hey!
Why are you all shutting me out?
I'll curse you!
I'll curse you with every fiber of my soul!
Die!
What have you done?
Don't panic!
I'll save the day.
Pipiruma sperma!
Things might be a little this or that, but at least he won't die.
And after this and that, I turned into what you see today.
What I see today?
The only difference is that you don't have a crown on!
Oh, really?
I think this joke is getting old.
What?!
You reduce my heartfelt explanation into a mere farce?
Now hang on here.
What's "this and that" anyway?
Your story doesn't add up!
Fine, I'll tell you more about "this and that." Okay?
You're so impatient.
No, my ball fell into the pond!
Won't you be my friend?
I'll bring your ball back if you say yes.
Really?
You said you'd be my friend, so how about it?
Won't you be my friend?
And if things go well, we could become more...
I know what's going to happen.
Really?
They kiss and the ugly frog turns into a handsome prince.
And they live happily ever after.
Or not, actually the princess snaps and splatters
the frog against the wall.
And as the frog dies, he turns into a prince.
Maybe that's absurd or unreasonable, but whatever, right?
Fairy tales usually are.
W-W-W-W-Wait!
No, no I say!
That doesn't count!
That doesn't count?
I've been waiting for so long, my memory's gotten all mixed up!
Mixed up is the understatement of the year.
N-N-N-N-No!
Hear me out?
You don't know how long I've been waiting for you.
You don't know how I craned my neck, searching for you.
That reminds me, how many years ago was that?
That's right, when there was not yet anything on this earth!
If you start your story back before creation itself,
I swear I will turn you into a squashed tomato.
Eek!
Eek my ass!
Fine, I'll just tell you.
You're a chosen person and I'm here to look after you,
to give you advice. That is all.
What's up with that crazy abridged version now?!
You told me to hurry up!
There's a limit to how much you can abridge!
Wait, so that father bit is totally irrelevant!
Huh?
I guess, yeah.
Nah, I'm just imagining it.
I see.
I understand.
Pretty crazy, huh?
I didn't know you were getting so bad.
Yeah, he was, he was completely... Huh?
Me?!
Marian, Princess.
Kon's homesickness level has reached a critical point.
Since we got those sweets,
we need to reach the capital as soon as possible!
Yeah, I agree. Munch, munch.
Right now, munch, munch,
getting to the capital might be the only thing
keeping Kon alive, munch, munch,
his only goal, so to speak, munch, munch.
Why are you two talking like that? You sound like weirdos.
Are we, munch?
Enough with the munching.
No, what I want to say is...
You!
Stop pretending to be an animal!
Calm down, Kon.
What? You don't believe me?
Of course we do. All life is precious.
That's not what I mean!
I'm talking about this! This right here, this!
You'll all laugh about this later!
You'll be like, "how on earth did I never notice it?"
That's what I'm talking about here!
You know, this guy's been suspicious since day one.
See this face he's making, like he just knows?
What do you mean, suspicious?
He's normal.
That's exactly what I'm saying, it's suspicious that he's so normal!
Munch, munch.
The times we live in are so sad.
Children, full of doubt, without the strength to believe.
Sooner or later, that weak heart will move towards escaping reality.
Can you get off your soapbox please?
He just held his stomach!
Right then, right then, he struck that pose!
He struck that pose!
Y-You...
Kon...
Fine. I won't talk about it anymore.
I won't talk about how he's this dancing, singing old-timer,
not if it's the last thing I say!
Yeah, I mean, a gag only works three times around.
You're exactly right.
This is a lovable, cuddly squirrel thingie.
What do you think?
Wouldn't it be so cute if he had little squirrel-thing babies?
Babies, huh?
I bet they would be really cute.
That's what I'm saying!
I mean, look at how cute he is already!
And if he had babies, they would be even cuter.
Then, let's make babies!
Mating a-go-go!
All right, who should the mate be?
What are you talking about, mating?
I'm into hot neighborhood MILFs!
Wow, look at how happy he is!
I guess he can't even contain his excitement.
Oh, what about them?
How stupid are you?!
I guess your sizes don't really work.
What about over there?
Wow, a cat!
We're a little different, wouldn't you say?!
My partners are hairless!
I see.
Well, I just had a telepathic conversation with Mr. Pet here
and he has informed me that he prefers hairless, older women.
You don't say!
Here we go, hairless.
What do you think?
It looks like what we call a naked mole rat back home.
So ugly it's cute, and highly recommended!
What's more, this rat comes from a royal line.
If you got married, you'd instantly become a king!
Long live the king!
Gross!
That thing's gross! And it's writhing or something!
Well, now we have a problem.
It looks like Mr. Pet did not care for his chosen companion.
I don't think you need to force him to breed against his will.
You would be quite right.
But what do you think he turns into if he pathetically
goes through multiple bouts of heat without mating?
Please pick from the following choices.
1. A wizard.
2. Sick.
3. An idiot.
Is it two?
You got it!
Exactly!
Since there's a mating season, it means this time is not normal.
Naturally, it puts a strain on the body.
And once they're in heat, if it's all in vain, vain, vain,
it's just torturous!
Which means they can easily get sick.
Kon, why do you know so much about mating seasons?
Please do not underestimate me!
I am in my adolescence. I am a teen!
In the dictionary you will find this time underlined in red.
I am ready to burst, from here, from there!
Ready to burst, you say?
This is where neutering comes into play.
Pet is part of your family.
To raise his quality of life,
to prolong his life as long as possible,
we need to pinch off, or snip snip.
Because this state of his has become too painful to even observe,
this unworthy Hokaze Kon will perform
the operation himself in one fell swoop!
Don't worry.
It's always been the case that doctors without
licenses are really skilled.
Hold still, it will be over in a moment.
It won't hurt one bit.
Don't use Alma Gear for something like that!
No, we have to use what we can.
Besides, you're just a manifestation of energy.
We're not talking about the same thing!
Oh, I don't think so.
I'm just going to change your design one tiny bit.
No, no, that would fundamentally change the story, you idiot!
Here I go!
So, Pet has been talking this whole time.
Dear Princess, what on earth are you talking about?
Just like I don't have a cute sister in this world,
cute talking animals don't exist.
But cute animals that need to be neutered do.
Stop!
Gosh, he's so cute.
I wonder what he's saying.
If only we could understand him, but we can't.
Well, that's that!
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
He's not talking, nope, he's not talking.
I'm hearing things, I must be hearing things.
Your balls are mine!
Neutering, go!
Wait!
I'm seeing things.
I'm just seeing things.
Just calm down and let me cut off your balls.
No, I can talk!
I'm hearing things, I'm just hearing things.
No, I'm really talking!
I'm hearing things, I'm hearing things!
No, no!
I'm hearing things, I'm hearing things.
No, you are not!
Next Time
We've finally arrived in the capital of St. Piria.
Just when I start to think I'll actually
be able to go back to my world,
we're told to go to the tower in the west.
What is this RPG-esque development?!
Hang on now, who are these guys
secretly moving around in the imperial capital?
The tranquility in St. Piria is about to be become unstable,
as several anti-empire forces were lurking underground.
And Lord Nabokov Jugglaburk finally makes
an appearance after being in the OP all this time.